So the day has finally come! Vince finally popped the BIG question on December 14, 2019 and of course, I said “YES!”

We decided to have a 2021 wedding so as not to rush things. We wanted to savor and enjoy the engagement process. From talking to other couples and venue coordinators, a 1-1.5 year engagement is about the average length of time most couples plan out their weddings. Ours is slated for 1 year but honestly, we’re only months into our engagement and time is something we wish we had more of.

BUT, wedding planning will be fun they said. Wedding planning is stressful they said. And yes both are true. It is fun but also very stressful, as well as emotionally and financially trying.

Luckily long before our engagement, Vince and I had already anticipated on having a wedding and done some advanced planning for our future together. Now that we’re finally knee deep in our wedding planning, all our previous preparation is paying off to deal with all the surprises we’ve encountered so far.

In this blog, we’d like to share with you some of the things we’ve learned, how to plan ahead for your important day, staying budget conscious, and most importantly, staying sane! Here are a few tips that do not have to wait until your engagement when it comes to wedding planning.

1.DISCUSS YOUR PRIORITIES

Vince and I were not always on the same page when it came to our ideas of what our dream wedding would look like. I initially wanted something smaller, more intimate, possibly an elopement, maybe a destination wedding with immediate family only, and/or would have even been happy with a simple courthouse wedding. On the other hand, Vince wanted to go the more traditional route which involved a church ceremony and a big reception party.

We had MANY discussions, lots and LOTS of long talks about what we each wanted and what was important to the both of us. But, after these conversations with Vince and his great skill and techniques in persuasion (foot massages and back rubs), I was eventually sold on the idea of a traditional wedding with some compromises that made both of us happy.

We concluded our main priorities were that close family and friends were invited, and that the venue and location were up to my standards and convenient to our guests.

Don’t assume something is important to your partner because it’s important to you in your mind. You’ll be surprised to learn you aren’t on the same page on certain things, and that’s fine! Here’s a quick checklist of items you need to go over with your partner. These are items that can impact the budget significantly, so give them some thought before saying “I want all of the above!”

The Comfort Zone of Spending
– Start here first and talk about how much you and your partner would be willing to spend for everything. Look at both of your current finances, spendings habits, and current savings (more on this later).
Pick two numbers: a target spend limit (“I’d like us to only pay around this much without feeling financial pressure.”) and an absolute maximum (“We might be ok going up to this limit to get the extras we want, but we can go no higher without putting unnecessary financial pressure on us.”)
A great tip we were given is to set aside an additional 20% on top of your budget and anticipate for unexpected, extraneous expenses like tips and taxes. The more quotes we continue to get from vendors, the more this extra 20% rings true..

Wedding Size
– How many people do you want to invite for each side of the family? From all the venues we’ve toured, price per head can range from $40 per head to as high as $220 for venues within the San Francisco Bay Area. You and your partner should get a rough estimate of how many you would need to invite for both sides. Total that up and do the math. Make sure that $ is well within your comfort zone.

Venue/ Location
– In town? How far away outside of your home city? 30 mile maximum drive from your current city? Out of state? International or destination? Venue location is one of many major factors which can greatly impact your wedding costs.

Flowers
– The biggest sticker shock we discovered was just how absolutely expensive flowers and decor for a wedding could be! We were getting quotes for thousands of dollars to have all our floral taken care of. Flower arrangements do make weddings look beautiful and unique, so make sure you and your partner come to an agreement of what you’re willing to spend on flowers. Spoiler alert, we found a way to save BIG in this category.. blog post on this coming soon 😉

Food Quality
– This is a big one. We’ve talked to many coworkers and friends who’ve attended weddings and asked what were the things that stood out the most to them. Near the top of every conversation was about how good or how bad the food at a wedding was. Questions you and your partner need to answer are: Plated or buffet? Save $ for ok food or put in extra $ for great food. Do you even care what the guests think? Maybe save $ on the food and put the extra towards flowers?

The DIY/Help Ratio
– How much of the wedding planning do you want to do yourself vs. getting outside help from professional planners? Are you a DIY type of person that likes full creative control? Maybe you want to be as hands off as possible and have less stress. We originally thought we could do a 90/10 ratio and handle most of it ourselves.. but now we’ve opted for a 60/40 ratio to help with the stress of planning.

When you decide what your priorities are, this helps determines where and how much money to allocate from your total wedding budget.

2. SAVE EARLY

Regardless of how small or large your wedding will be, START SAVING NOW! Even a small intimate wedding or elopement can cost hundreds to thousands of dollars. It is going to cost something. Whether you’re currently in a relationship or not, if you ever plan on having a wedding in the future now is a great time to start saving.

In anticipation of having a wedding in our future, Vince and I started putting money away each paycheck. He had a separate savings account just for this and so did I. A small % of his paycheck would go into this account via direct deposit. I preferred a more manual approach and would contribute to a designated wedding savings account I created, and the amounts would vary depending on the size of each paycheck I took home.

Vince and I had been saving probably a little over a year before he actually proposed. And so by the time he actually DID propose we had our wedding paid off and then some with the money we saved already. That is one small feat that we are proud of that we were able to accomplish as a couple.

Some couples may only consider saving for a wedding just after the day they get engaged but you do not want to play catch up on bills later on.

Socking away just even a little bit helps dramatically over time , $20-$50 pay check, whatever amount. A little each time goes a looong way.

3. STICK TO THE BUDGET

Vince and I were totally clueless as to how expensive weddings were. We both knew they were expensive but when we received various price quotes from different vendors i.e. venue, chairs, plated or buffet costs, hosted or non-hosted bar costs per person, flowers, decor, high-season, low-season, photography costs, videography packages, %%%$$#$! …. it added up quickly and painfully!

Anyone will tell you, once you slap on the word “WEDDING” or “BRIDAL” the prices skyrocket with what the wedding industry infamously calls the wedding tax. ( The following link is a video from CBC Marketplace : Wedding Markups Exposed. ) These wedding vendors are selling a fairytale and playing on your emotions with phrases like “once in a lifetime” or “the most important day of your life” or “this is your ONE BIG DAY, you DESERVE THE BEST”. Yes, those things are hopefully true, that it is ONE day or ONCE in a lifetime but on the flip-side it is JUST ONE DAY.

For Vince and I, it was important that we didn’t spend in excess and still be somewhat practical for us in how much we were willing to spend for the entire wedding. We wanted to set a budget we were comfortable in spending without breaking our bank accounts and leaving us with buyers remorse. Sticking to our budget was very important especially that Vince and I plan to pay for the wedding ourselves as well simultaneously having other savings goals which includes saving for a house and retirement and investments and such.

By saving for the wedding early with a little extra wiggle room for unknowns, it has truly given us piece of mind that we are going to be okay financially when everything is said and done. AND, because we saved more, we now have the option to not spend it all. For example, just because you quality for a mortgage loan of up to 750k doesn’t mean you have to buy a house for that entire amount.

I feel one of the worst things you can do to your financial well-being is to FINANCE YOUR WEDDING which we would consider a huge financial sin. Don’t go digging into your 401k, tapping into your home equity loan, or racking up thousands tens of thousands to hundreds of thousands of dollars of interest in credit card debt. That’s like committing financial suicide, when you tell yourself “We’ll just pay it off later.”

(Side note: You CAN use credit cards responsibly during this time for those large ticket items and have a honeymoon for “free” and paid for with money you were going to spend anyways with credit card bonus points offers! We will follow up with another blog.)

You also don’t want to be entering and creating this new chapter of your life with this HUGE burden of DEBT. Our biggest fear was going into our new life together with DEBT that we would not be able to manage.

Engagement and the wedding planning process is an exciting time and is truly a test of the relationship within itself. Just remember in the end, not to lose sight of the bigger picture in that your wedding day is just a big party to celebrate your love with your family and friends.

Stay Curious.- The Orange Appeal

A z Flor Huerta , Vincent R. Jison.